More than words

What hurts the most, was being so close.

2009-12-11T14:54:55Z

Hello there. It's me. I haven't been here for quite some time. How is everyone?
I havent been blogging much too. I've been so caught up with my life, surrounding and friends. I truly enjoyed myself all these while and gonna start working tmrw. So much had happened and its really time i get myself occupied instead of being lazy, sleeping in the day and waking up in the night.

And actually, i am still confused and disappointed. I have no idea why you are doing this. What am i to you?

I find myself questioning again and again. Why must somebody proved that i am right? Friends, what exactly are true friends?
Where you don't even fucking trust me? And said such things about me. But still expect me to trust you?

But well, it's time i wake up. And fully understand that i cannot depend on anyone, and trust someone. No matter how long our friendship was.

And on the contrary, i am so fucking happy that you make me realize how lucky i am. To have a true friend Edison Koh. Which you don't.

I found a better place.

2009-08-12T10:38:36Z

http://pepsicolaa123.blogspot.com/

I love her just like that.

2009-08-04T12:22:29Z

AWAY.

2009-08-01T07:36:04Z

爬的越高跌的越重
爱的越深心就越痛

Diediedieeee

2009-06-20T18:15:13Z

I am bored right now, and i cant slp because of headache.
In addition, i am totally clueless about geog. I think i am going to die when i go to school. ;O
I also have NINE more eng narrative/personal reflection/recount to do. I am rlly going to die.
And i think somebody stole my counterpain. I couldn't find it anywhere. These backaches are killing me.

Catchup with the girls

2009-06-20T15:08:18Z

Hello world. I'm back for a lil update! ;)
Caught up with the girls the day before and ystd. Three of us went for a movie. Sadly, yingster couldnt join us. Anyway i'll rate this maybe 3stars? I got scared a few times! HAHA
Like finally also, i guess i havent catch a movie for maybe months?

This was taken ystd. Studying day at macs. It wasnt really a fruitful day becas.. JOAN KEPT DISTRACTING ME. lol
and basically she kept on talking. Bad friend! Ha ha

PS: I look like a guy!!! And fat face ew

Yes, we took neoprints. Kawaii neh? And i havent seen Yingster in awhile. <3

Spent the rest of the night over at Rochor. Miss the times!!!
I can't wait for O lvls to end. Like srsly.
Aww man, school on monday, new homework and tests. Sucha turn off RAH.

Life really sucks man.

2009-06-16T12:32:08Z

Often i find myself looking back into my memories, all the things i've been through. To be who i am now.
All the hard times seemed like the lines carved on my palms. Every single time i look at them, all the memories just flash back like it happened just yesterday.

Sometimes i wished i could just type all my sorrows out, but i'm always lost for words, like i've got something stucked in my throat. I'm just feeling sad for the complicated life i have. I wish it could be better.
I don't wanna be constantly reminded of all the sad times, i don't wanna be constantly worrying about the equivalent thing.

If it takes me anything reasonable to make my life better, i would do it.

Dying from fatigue

2009-06-11T17:17:36Z

"Nothing in life is so hard that you can't make it easier by the way you take it.."

PS: I am still contemplating if i should move back to blogger. I just changed my layout! Check it out and give me some comments please. Thankeuuuu

F.R.I.E.N.D.S

2009-06-07T14:35:11Z

The weather hasnt been really good recently. I got roasted many times
anyway, we reached leisure during evening time. And i couldnt get my contacts ):

Harris has basically nothing at all. Or rather, nothing caught our eye. Above all, it's just another day spent with some old friends...

I guess it's time to tell everyone the truth, damian.

lol look at jiajin's epic face!

I'm feeling emotional again, listening to this song that's repeating on my itunes.
Hope tmrw will be a better day! Gotta go now, i have not started on my assignments yet. Til then.

Take it all away

2009-06-04T10:11:36Z

Do we quit playing because we grow old, or do we grow old because we quit playing?

I'm sorry lj. I'm here to grumble and complain again. Seems like i've never been here for something good. RAH
Anyway i am skipping school tmrw. I know i shouldnt but i srsly need to getaway. Like even though it's just a day... at least it's 24hours right.

I hate it when people fking talk big and think O level is easy. Well maybe for you lah, you don't even know how i feel. So just shut up and go away
You're just one of the apples that is rotten in my life.
Then again, humans are fcuked up because life is fucked up.

who knows at the end of everyday, how many million of broken hearts do we have?

I am really tired...maybe i need a sleep.

Young girl, don't cry

2009-05-30T17:48:10Z

First of all, i know i shouldn't be here. But i cannot help it. He is pissing me off
After many attempts of trying to control my emotions i still cant. Especially towards him. Screw it lah

Btw E was sweet once again. He sang "Young girl, don't cry. I'll be right here when your world starts to fall...." to me
awwww *melts
For a moment i thought life was meaningful again. RAH

Oh yes, if anyone wants to know, that was the lyrics for The Voice Within by Cristina Aguilera. I totally loveeee it.

***

Young girl, don't cry
I'll be right here when your world starts to fall
Young girl, it's all right
Your tears will dry, you'll soon be free to fly

When you're safe inside your room you tend to dream
Of a place where nothing's harder than it seems
No one ever wants or bothers to explain
Of the heartache life can bring and what it means

When there's no one else
Look inside yourself
Like your oldest friend
Just trust the voice within
Then you'll find the strength
That will guide your way
If you will learn to begin
To trust the voice within

Young girl, don't hide
You'll never change if you just run away
Young girl, just hold tight
And soon you're gonna see your brighter day

Now in a world where innocence is quickly claimed
It's so hard to stand your ground when you're so afraid
No one reaches out a hand for you to hold
When you're lost outside look inside to your soul

When there's no one else
Look inside yourself
Like your oldest friend
Just trust the voice within
Then you'll find the strength
That will guide your way
If you will learn to begin
To trust the voice within

Yeah...
Life is a journey
It can take you anywhere you choose to go
As long as you're learning
You'll find all you'll ever need to know

You'll make it
You'll make it
Just don't go forsaking yourself
No one can stop you
You know that I'm talking to you

When there's no one else
Look inside yourself
Like your oldest friend
Just trust the voice within
Then you'll find the strength
That will guide your way
If you will learn to begin
To trust the voice within

Young girl don't cry
I'll be right here when your world starts to fall

Choing chinese laterrrr! Without that faggot around of course. Whoops he forced me to use that word on him!
PS/ I miss my friends!!! Lets catch up in a day or two during june
Especially Ms Ang Qian Hui. Your bday is cominggggg, and i need to teach you how to comment. Ha ha
Ok lah, it's the thoughts that count. I appreciate that you wanted to leave some words of encouragement. You're the best<3

Just for a while more..

2009-05-28T08:49:25Z

"Life is like riding a bicycle... to keep your balance, you must keep moving."
- Albert Einstein

FML

2009-05-23T15:45:52Z

Dear diary,

I really don't know how long more i could hold on.

You
Raised your voice as and when you like. Look down on me, tell your friends i smoke, drink, do drugs and whatever an ah lian does. In short, i am an ah lian to you.
I've got bad friends. They smoke, drink, do drugs too.
Everytime we pick up a fight, you'd threaten and throw away my things. Wow!
I told myself, i must tolerate

Until one day, i cannot tolerate your nonsense anymore.
I changed the administrator's pw. Yell, grumble that you wanna play dota when i'm halfway doing my stuff
Threaten that you'll throw away my things AGAIN, cry and complain they always side me.
Said i was childish, that i should grow up. Who is the childish one now?

I gave in, typed the pw for you.

The very next day, you said you created another account for me to use and that i return the administrator account to you.
Next thing i found out, the administrator account is gone.
There goes my 900songs, all my pictures, all my art stuff. Who pay?

Are you happy now? You got what you wanted, AS ALWAYS.

So what if you got your diploma already? You're 20, and you dont even have a job. All you do is sleep and play dota. Look who is the useless one

School
Do you know how hard it is to be studying so hard on your own?
Do you know how hard it is when you don't have really any close friends you could talk to in school?
Do you know how hard i've been trying to concentrate?
Do you know how it feels when you have nowhere to go during recess time?
Do you know how hard i fought with temptations?

I've been failing all my subjects. I am still doubting how the hell i passed N levels.

O level chinese is 8 days away...

Body
My backbone has not stopped aching everyday.
My teeth has not visited the dentist ever since last yr, and i still got a decayed tooth.
My face is not in good condition as well. I don't know what happened it got so swollen.

Everytime i look into the mirror, my self esteem drops

Friends
Where did i go wrong i lost a friend.
It's you that i've been thinking all these while, hoping you'll come back someday.
I hate the fact that i lost you. From the very moment we hung up the phone call that day
though it has been quite some time ever since that fateful day

Every now and then, i think about how you tried to cheer me up with your silly jokes.
I really miss you W.

Alone

2009-05-21T10:00:06Z

Even rockstars sometimes feel alone in crowded places.

一个人

2009-05-19T09:09:49Z

一个人要怎样才会坚强
一个人要怎样面对寂寞
一个人要怎样掩盖伤心
一个人要怎样走出黑暗

一个人有点累

从过去到现在，还是习惯把不快乐藏在心里。经常试着不要把心事关在最深处的心底，却又找不到一个能够抚慰心灵的朋友。难过时，只能默默的一个人哭泣。

总觉得命运爱捉弄人，生活没有任何意义，就算立刻死去也没有关系。觉得世界太罗嗦，希望能够失踪。
每个沮丧的时刻有如昨天，那不知所措的心情让我永身难忘。
就像疤痕一样，一但被切得太深，它就会留在那里，怎样都删除不掉。而我再也看不到那微笑的双眼。

我，真的很讨厌我自己。

有时候，觉得不应该一直记那些不愉快的事情，不应该不珍惜自己的生命，因为这世界上有比我更难过，更悲惨的人在坚强的活下去。讨厌这样的我总是不能自己。讨厌遇到挫折时的我，不理解生命很宝贵的事实。讨厌一个人的感觉。

如果这世界上，没有一滴眼泪，那是件多开心的事情？

Without you, my life is incomplete

2009-05-18T15:23:57Z

It's been a busy week for me, so sorry for the lack of update
it was drinking session once again, last fri ;)
okaye i was so wrong about wanting to get drunk. I did not exactly got drunk but the dizzy feeling just sucked.

and on the contrary, it doesnt really matter becas you don't give a damn when you're not feeling well

Oh yes, we got krav some snacks. It was very last min due to no preparation!
Happy birthday love♥

hahaha, retardedddd

just some peektures here, rest over at fb.

Got home really late, 7:30am that day. It sucks to go home when the sun rises
anyway i slept and woke up late afternoon the next day

Rushed to prepare, and down to yew tee to pass twinny her present. I am so independent! *Smiles
anyhow, i think i had to thank my ipod instead
all the way to and fro the battery is still full! HAHA, loveyou ipod

Happy birthday sweet♥

i really hope you love the present because, i have no idea what to get you!! Happy 18th and i hope you will stay happy alright.
Cya soon twinny, loveya

On a side note, it's one more week and eight more days
i miss you, so so much
and i h8 to act like i dont....

Will you please just stay for a day?

2009-05-11T13:54:57Z

To keep it short, everyone has not been in their best of moods lately. ):

I feel like running away

even if it's just for a day............

Boredlikehellcansxz

2009-05-08T16:10:02Z

Hello world, i am freaking bored. When i say freaking bored, i SERIOUSLY mean it. How on earth could i be home on a friday!!!
Besides! School ended like 10am?! I always say i would rush home for a good sleep after every paper but i never fail to get distracted by the internet! Which means, i have been surfing the net for approx. above 10hrs! OMG OMG :O

It's like five minutes to midnight now

okay four

I am gonna kill E when i see him afterwards. Reason one, for not answering my callsxz hance making me stay home for more than 10hours surfing the net. What the hell was i doing?!
Reason two, for replying my calls and messages sooooo late
Reason three, to be able to meet me up only after midnight! RAHHH.
Reason four, i am superrr bored lol

anywaysss, i think i spent around 4hrs watching videos and 1hr dinner at Serangoon with Jialing and some of her friends
Which therefore i left early

Okiesxz, me is going over to E's place now. Oh yes! With my chopper
FIRST BLOOD HAHA!
Bye now, icannotwaitogetoutofherehaha

Idontknowhatotypehere

2009-05-06T15:08:12Z

I screwed today's paper!!!
Aww and i am so gonna screw tmrw's papers as well. Damn.

Oh well goodluck to everyone who is taking the same papers! I shall go over a corner and slit my wrist now. HAHAHA

BOO! Got scared? Haha ok retarded. Thanks for the "beautiful" photo ah E!

PS: I miss you, terribly

Sacred

2009-05-03T09:09:00Z

Things i wanna do after O's:

1)Burn the books!!! LOL
2)Dance like there's no tmrw, let's all hit the dancefloor people! ;D
3)Shop til we drop
4)Sleep, sleep and sleep
5)Eat and eat and eat i dont care
6)Go learn some instruments and stop being useless HAHA
7)Travel around sg
8)Hong Kong
9)Korea!!! Jonghyunluv is waiting for me
10)Go rp and visit Madeleine Low, Kraven
11)Fish spa againnnnn
12)Lasers i've always wanted HEH
13)Rejoice lol
14)Sing, sing and sing
15)Cheer!!! Bro's going army hahaha (I'm evil, heh be careful)
16)Tp to visit Ak, and my future skool
17)Get a job successfully
18)paint my room
19)Spent lots of time with my girls
20)Rot
21)DYE MY HAIR BLUE LOL
22)Enjoy life
23)Go swimming
24)Go jogging
25)Ice-skating! I miss ice-skating sooooo much
26)Catch up with some friends
27)Fly to America to visit W
28)Watch 5mooviees a day lol
29)YOGURU!
30)College east for lunch with Brown and Damian
31)Lunch with Cynthia at bishan
32)Write songs
33)Counsel E and ask him to study
34)GENTING WITH FRIENDS!
35)Work with pling ;)
36)Get a tongue piercing HAHAHA
37)Tattoo myself lol! okay just kidding
38)Read some books
39)and check out the library! I think the last time i went there was 2yrs ago? LOL
40)DRINKING SESSION ^^v
41)Sleepover
42)Partyyyyyyyyyy
43)A special christmas this yr!
44)Get prepared for results, and poly life LOL
45)CNY!!! MORE MONEY ROLL IN~
46)Pray for everyone i know to be healthy yay (:
47)Hope he comes out soon
48)Take pictures of me and you<3
49) BEAT KRAVEN IN WORD CHALLENGE
50)Meet my lovely chian!

I think that's about it. Typing it out makes me so eggcited alrdy lah! HAHA
Motivation motivation! ;D

C'MON JEAN, YOU CAN DO IT

You're the missing piece i need.

2009-05-01T18:30:04Z

I don't know, i really don't know.....

Drinking session earlier on, and drinking session again next week
lets all drink and dance like there's no tmrw

CREDIT ME! HEH (:

PS: I lost my heart! Anyone help me find it?

til then earth

你好不好？

2009-04-26T10:45:30Z

I am disgusted with you Jean.

Now, i am sure we are just friends, just..friends.

Super tired

2009-04-21T14:32:34Z

My life's like the weather, not sure when it'll rain, not sure when it'll be bright and sunny
i was totally drained on mon. School, remedial, work. Suck so much
in addition, i skipped my meals so i was totally restless plus energyless

i dont know what i want. I want to keep myself busy but then if i keep myself too busy, i get too tired
i think i shld just stop being a bitch. Urgh

I really need a break. From all these tests, homework, school and stuff.
i'm just....exhuasted.
but then again, i think should be happy i alrdy have time to actually come up here and rant.

DAMNNNN

h8 the fickle mind. In fact i always feel that i should love life, yet i am always complaining -_-
*slaps myself

Drinking session♥

2009-04-19T13:53:57Z

You spin my head right round, right rounddddd

Finally, atter five 4 three 2 one years, it's drinking session again. YAY
esp with my drinking bud, AK47. Hehe
Yesterday was a blast! I never had such a good feeling for soooo long!<3<3
it was pretty disgusting though, my teard drowned my ear. EEK
i hate the stomach part too. So glad i wasnt feeling so bad after a 10min sleep

yeah, damn right i'm a bad girl

Studying with NicoleluvJohnson soulmate at macs in the afternoon earlier, angela came later and the rest in the evening.
so proud of myself! One whole page of essay!

Okay i know nothing big deal about it. FINE OKAY

Joey came and surprised me. Anw, joey if you see this, just wanna say i'm always here. My condolences, things will get better. Don't dwell on it! A smile is a curve that can get a lot of things straight! :)
Same to Maddie Lyn aka purply sistarh. I srsly know your feelings, and i don't know how i can help you.. but! My ears are always here to listen! My shoulders are free for you to lean! Just don't tell anyone ok. Otherwise, other charges are not excluded. Heh
And to NicoleluvJohnson also! I love all of you okae

Okay now, this is the end of my yesterday. I got home at 3plus am. Pretty haggard

being with her = being retarded

we'll go to poly together for sure, you go girl! XOXO

Thank you maddiepie for the encouragement. I never throw away the paper hor!!!

Guys, please don't forget us after you've got poly friends. I wanna join you guys in poly too! Sigh

Iwantnobodybutchue!

2009-04-16T14:02:37Z

Music is my best friend and companion

To be honest, I am so upset and disgusted with myself lj. I'm so screwed!!!
my week was a total catastrophe

i've been trying to keep myself as busy as possible
basically to do anything i could to stop the stupid things running through my mind again and again.

and i'm pretending nothing's happening
Maybe i should just slap myself for being such a.... stupid person.
but you know how hard it is to suppress these feelings
like who love being an emo kid and hide herself in a locked room crying in a corner?!
(Okay, that was a bit exaggerating but i know you get my idea!)

How do you expect me to like just turn a blind eye to it? Scale so big! Urgh
or maybe i was wrong right from the start

WA KAO!!

i cannot help myself, srsly
i have to face the reality like right in front of my face not giving me any space to breathe

which also makes me wanna skip school.
TOTALLY GRIPPED ME IN A AGONY OF DESPAIR! Such a mood-spoiler!

Damn, i should just go bang myself with the wall.

PS: I would like to thank my sweetest nicest cutest manest bff, My EddieKoh for being there in most of my darkest periods. It was a great help and i definitely felt much better! xoxo♥
Girls interested in my bff, he is available! He's 18 and gonna be an army man soon
staying in sg, for more details, please contact me

PS2: I need a getaway